I received a letter from Jonathan today! This is my second letter from him. I would have felt blessed regardless of what he wrote, just to see his thoughts. Fortunately for me, he expressed how much he was grateful to have me, and how he has been reading up on what makes a good wife and mother in proverbs. Well, lets just say he blew me away with his lovingness;) He spoke to my heart, in minutes I felt inspired to be better, stronger ect. I am so fortunate to have a husband who is thinking and praying for me, even when at Boot Camp! Today, I feel blessed.
Just some thoughts...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Prepare the way.
I started thinking yesterday about Bon's return and how I wanted to make sure everything was done around the house. Clothes clean, rooms clean, food ready for the week..ect. I want to make sure that when he returns I have time to really spend with him, not wasted time on other things. Now, Jonathan doesn't care about the mess, but I will. As I pondered what I was going to do for his return, The Lord spoke to me.
How often do we prepare the way for The most high King before entering his presence? We, know that regardless of what we do, he will meet with us. It is not a matter of whether his presence will be there or not, or if he will except you as you are. Rather, what will your time with him consist of? Will it be a time of repentance, and house keeping, or of Glory, and adoration? Hmm..I keep hearing "prepare the way! Prepare the way for the most high King!" What does it mean to prepare the way, how do I, someone so small, prepare a way for the king? Wow, he truly desires to meet with me, with us. Perhaps I should put more time and attention into my "meetings" with the Father? What does true reverence look like? I keep thinking of Mercy Me song "I can only imagine"
How often do we prepare the way for The most high King before entering his presence? We, know that regardless of what we do, he will meet with us. It is not a matter of whether his presence will be there or not, or if he will except you as you are. Rather, what will your time with him consist of? Will it be a time of repentance, and house keeping, or of Glory, and adoration? Hmm..I keep hearing "prepare the way! Prepare the way for the most high King!" What does it mean to prepare the way, how do I, someone so small, prepare a way for the king? Wow, he truly desires to meet with me, with us. Perhaps I should put more time and attention into my "meetings" with the Father? What does true reverence look like? I keep thinking of Mercy Me song "I can only imagine"
Monday, May 24, 2010
Bleh Bleh Bleh!!
I had a pretty good day today at work, the only problem is that I generally call Jonathan on my breaks, and on my drives to and from. My convos with him may have been brief on these days, but it was still a constant. Ugh, this just totally stinks.
From the second I got home the tantrums started. One child after the next melting down before my eyes. I held it together, but on the inside I was certainly crying. We got through dinner (barely) and baths to jammies. Then I laid Drew drew down cuz he was miiiiiissseeerrraaabbblle! Then My Dad offered to take the two older ones up to his room for a movie night;) Which left me with the precious little Bink! I got her ready for bed, fed and changed.
Now, I am on my own...Glad for the quiet, but sad that i'm without my spouse, my other half..:(
listened to my uplifting music all day today on my ipod at work..yet I am still struggling to find the joy today. I did find a glimpse of it in my Ellie's sweet kiss, Isaac's generosity, Drew's patheticness, and Bink's innocense.
Handling the children's emotions is hard when your very own emotions are so sky high. The othe rnight at church we had a meltdown. This was not an ordinary tantrum. Isaac had told me earlier on that night that the big boys would not let him play with them after church. My heart broke for him, as I know he struggles with social peer play. I didn't have the time to help him start a game as I was tending to my two little ones, who were both having moments of their own. A few mins later I instisted that we leave, lets face it everyone was crying and it was time. I had to pull isaac out of the building he was devastated. As we reached the car he was hysterical. I got down on his level and held him close, I just knew there was more to these tears. As I held him he let out a sob, one I had never really heard him do before. He was genuinely crying, he buried his head in my shoulder and seemed to melt into me. I rubbed his back trying to soothe him with a calm voice.." it's ok..Isaac..it's gona be ok."
I realize our struggles could be much worse. I am aware that I do not live the worst life by any means. I am blessed, as are my children. We have love in abundance. We just Miss the Man of the house, we have days where we fall apart and days when we almost forget.
I had a pretty good day today at work, the only problem is that I generally call Jonathan on my breaks, and on my drives to and from. My convos with him may have been brief on these days, but it was still a constant. Ugh, this just totally stinks.
From the second I got home the tantrums started. One child after the next melting down before my eyes. I held it together, but on the inside I was certainly crying. We got through dinner (barely) and baths to jammies. Then I laid Drew drew down cuz he was miiiiiissseeerrraaabbblle! Then My Dad offered to take the two older ones up to his room for a movie night;) Which left me with the precious little Bink! I got her ready for bed, fed and changed.
Now, I am on my own...Glad for the quiet, but sad that i'm without my spouse, my other half..:(
listened to my uplifting music all day today on my ipod at work..yet I am still struggling to find the joy today. I did find a glimpse of it in my Ellie's sweet kiss, Isaac's generosity, Drew's patheticness, and Bink's innocense.
Handling the children's emotions is hard when your very own emotions are so sky high. The othe rnight at church we had a meltdown. This was not an ordinary tantrum. Isaac had told me earlier on that night that the big boys would not let him play with them after church. My heart broke for him, as I know he struggles with social peer play. I didn't have the time to help him start a game as I was tending to my two little ones, who were both having moments of their own. A few mins later I instisted that we leave, lets face it everyone was crying and it was time. I had to pull isaac out of the building he was devastated. As we reached the car he was hysterical. I got down on his level and held him close, I just knew there was more to these tears. As I held him he let out a sob, one I had never really heard him do before. He was genuinely crying, he buried his head in my shoulder and seemed to melt into me. I rubbed his back trying to soothe him with a calm voice.." it's ok..Isaac..it's gona be ok."
I realize our struggles could be much worse. I am aware that I do not live the worst life by any means. I am blessed, as are my children. We have love in abundance. We just Miss the Man of the house, we have days where we fall apart and days when we almost forget.
Friday, May 21, 2010
A light at the end of the tunnel. I can't see it yet, trust me, I'm trying;)
Isaac is starting to question me about Bon ever coming back. I feel so badly for the little guy. I remember being young and missing one of my parents..this truly is a long time to a five yr old. I had told him he has 7 more tee ball games till daddy came back, well he doesn't have a game this week. When I told him this was his teams week off, he got upset and was like.." but but will it still be 7 games or 6 games till daddy comes home ..oh no..now i don't get to count one down ..or do i?" He was relieved to hear it will only be 6 more games now;)
I got to hold my new little niece today! She is precious and yummy, and smells brand new! Aaah it was delightful! New life is such a beautiful experience. It amazes me each and every time.
Our trip to Bon's gradution is booked!
Missing Him:(
Isaac is starting to question me about Bon ever coming back. I feel so badly for the little guy. I remember being young and missing one of my parents..this truly is a long time to a five yr old. I had told him he has 7 more tee ball games till daddy came back, well he doesn't have a game this week. When I told him this was his teams week off, he got upset and was like.." but but will it still be 7 games or 6 games till daddy comes home ..oh no..now i don't get to count one down ..or do i?" He was relieved to hear it will only be 6 more games now;)
I got to hold my new little niece today! She is precious and yummy, and smells brand new! Aaah it was delightful! New life is such a beautiful experience. It amazes me each and every time.
Our trip to Bon's gradution is booked!
Missing Him:(
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I want him home now! I know I said it was getting easier..what was I thinking! I should never have said anything. I was tortured last night with missing him. It seemed everything on tv was a love story ugh...sigh. I wonder if I will survie his next deployments?? On a good note, I think we have all the kinks worked out for our trip down to see him in june!! It can not come soon enough. I would like to go shopping except military pay screwed up jonathan's pay, and well, they neglected to pay him at all! So frustrating. I had to hack into his mypay account...which took a while and then try to fix things, while on the phone with the finance lady on Base. Why nothing can just work, I'm not sure. Also, Bon's job had a large amount of giant cardboard boxes delivered to our front porch, which you know was very nice of them...what?? Umm do they not know he is gone?? Anywho, I guess I will get a nice workout attempting to carry them around back and down into the basement. Hopefully none of the nieghbors are watching;) I need to exercise..that's it! Now, how, when, and where??
me<3
me<3
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
2wks
Two weeks have passed since my love left. In some ways things are getting a bit easier. I am not going to my phone everytime I think of him, just to realize I can't call him. I am adjusting to sleeping without him by my side. I am thinking of him less and less through out the day (he's still on my mind quite often, just not every min). Now, this is two fold. On one hand, it feels better to be adjusting, and on the other....I don't want to beable to live without him! I got a letter from him today, ha! I felt like I did when we were teenagers and I would here that "you've got mail!" when I would sign online. I mean, there was no text messaging, we didn't even have cell phones. Aaah the feelings of love;) I remeber this one time, we went on a youth retreat to the poconos. I snuck into his room and left a packet of crackers on his pillow, we then proceeded to leave the crackers for eachother throughout the trip. Now, he apparently kept the packet cuz he sent it to me in the mail, all crunched up and worn. My mom said to me " do you like Bon?" I would say "no, we are just good friends." Ha these little things made me love him little by little. He also had a collection of my pens he would routinely steal from me at youth group..yeah I found those just before we got married, as we were cleaning out his room at his parents. I know it sounds stalkerish, but it meant he actually was truly interested in me and... whatever..i thought it was sweet;)
6 more weeks!!
6 more weeks!!
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