Church and Family

We have been in a constant struggle to fit into a church, these past few years. We can pick out the good and the bad of each and every place we go. The challenge seems to be in having a family with numerous small children. How do you fit into the church scene with little ones? Now, don't get me wrong, churches are primarily "kid friendly", but why does it seem so difficult? Why cant we seem to make it work? We have to get up and out of the house bright and early, with everyone cleaned up, fed, dressed, and prepped by 9 so ish am. Then we show up to crowds of people, being herded around the building like sheep( ha ha i know). Kids into the service, becuase I want my children to experience worship, then everyone shuffles off to respective classes ( now I have missed most of the service to potty breaks, and other misc needs)..attempt to sit down and enjoy the remainder of the sermon, and now our kids number is flashing on the big screen, and here we go again, until we finally get up and leave..whew! Or we attend a smaller church with a more family feel, but we have all the same problems. Ugh, I just don't know how others do it!! I want community, I just don't think it is in a church building! Church as we know it does not work for us right now. On the other hand, home groups don't work either, we have four little ones under the age of 5, there is no home group appropriate for these ages. Sigh..I have no solution. I feel like I am some kind of bad christian. Is it more important for my children to grow up understanding all the workings of church, or how to serve others, love always? Do we need to attend weekly meeetings in order to persue a righteous faith? I do believe I need the fellowship of believers in my life, but in what form? The deeper I persue God, the more I feel pulled and drawn to three things..1.care for orphans, and mistreated children 2.attend to the widows, and mothers who need support. 3.the sick and poor in need. These things I will be putting more time and energy into, and as a family..these things we can do. This does not require me to feel like a disappointment, nor will I feel like a failure because I can not commit to a single church body.
If We are in a wrong way, I am confident the Lord will redirect our paths.