What am I doing with all these kids??

This morning was an adventure, to say the least. It started with getting all the kiddos ready to go to an appt at 945 this am. I even MADE breakfast. I looked outside and thought " hmm it is raining pretty hard" So, I changed all the kids shoes to rain boots, and got the baby an extra blanket, and we were off.

On our trip to the appt and to grocery shop at just one store...I literally lost my mind in aisle 3 or was it 4? What makes me think this is going to go smoothly, ever! We lost three shoes in misc puddles, my pants were soaked up to my knees, shoes soaked, baby crying..." mommy can we get toys? mommy i want cookies! How about some new movies?? HUSH!!!! When we returned home I left the kids in the car, so I could carry all bags in quickly. Well, I grabbed four bags and on the fifth it tore on the seat in the car and dumped it's contents all over the sopping wet sidewalk! Now, I am grabbing at misc objects from my bag, with four screaming kids in the open car, rain pouring all over me. I'm slipping and sliding all over the sidewalk and up the steps to the porch! Do you think anyone was watching? I get it all in and get the big kids out and park the car around back. On my way into the house with the baby I realize she has water dripping all over her little face! The blanket covering her obviously had long lost it's water retaining abilities,Ugh!

Can you beleive I forgot to buy Sugar?

opinions

Lord help me to love people through their lives, rather than trying to fix their problems all the time. It is not our job to solve all our friends and family's struggles and problems. Although we are called to love them and support them thru it all.

I know that whenever I have met struggle and people tell me they have the answer, that their way will fix everything, it made me want to scream. There are no easy fixes. Life hurts sometimes. Things are not always what they seem. We need support, love and a shoulder to cry on, a prayer couldn't hurt either.

Lets keep our opinions to ourselves. Enough said.

unexpected blessings

You know, it can truly take a long time to realize something was a blessing and not a curse. So many things have occured in my life that I simply passed off as injury, to later look back and notice a tremendous blessing in it's place. Our failures are often laced with progress.

Jonathan and I, over the course of the past few years, have lost jobs, unexpected pregnancies, lost pregnancies, homelessness( now we had shelter, and we were cared for, very well i might add;), collections, bill collectors at our door, neg money in the account, no funds for neccesaties ie food, milk, diapers, gas. I can remember a night when I got done work and there wasn't a drop of gas in my car. I HAD to get gas to drive the ten miles home. I pulled up to the pump tried my card just praying we had just a few dollars. We did not! We had neg $33. I sat in my car and cried, I couldn't bare to call jonathan and let him know the situation. I was to prideful to stop at my parents, who lived just min away. I started the car up and prayed the entire way home. It seemed as if everything we did turned to ash. No matter how hard we tried, we could not pull ourselves up out of the gutters. We felt alone, scared, torn, unloved, betrayed, bitter, but we pressed on.

The other day I was filled with praise in my heart. I stopped for gas, and I filled the tank without even thinking about it. I stopped, tears filled my eyes, I was struck with blessing! My children had new shoes on, I had a full tank of gas, roof over my head, a happy husband, milk in the fridge that I purchased, a paid off car, no debt. How could all this have happened and I barely noticed?! Our prayers have been answered!! Infact they were answered a long time ago, they just weren't fufilled. Sometimes we don't notice the blessing a particular circumtance has on our lives until much later. The things I see as blessing now, are far more numorous than before.

My nephew, oh how love you.

Today at the park I experienced first hand the ignorance of parents, as I was with my sister and my sweet nephew. It was a gorgeous day, the kids were enjoying eachother and the park. Now, there was a little boy about two years or more older than JJ and he befriended malachi my other nephew..jj seemed to be a bit bothered by this new boy. who he did not know, being in the mix. first he ignored him..then came a shove, then another shove, then a hit over the head with a stick, and again a bite on the shoulder. My sister tried to discipline him, and what no,t the other child was mean and nasty, his mother got angrier and angrier with each encounter. Until we finally left the park. On our way out I overheard the little boy telling his mom he would not say good bye to JJ because JJ was stupid and mean..He obviously did not understand the dynamics of autism at 6 yrs old..His mother replied with.."you don't have to if you don't want to..he is a mean boy" I was seething on the inside, just torn up for JJ..I glared at her in such a way I am sure she understood.

What do you do? How do you explain? should you have to explain? Why are parents so ignorant even these days? I didn't realize how upset I was until the drive home, when i cried and cried for him and my sister. How do you watch your baby be rejected and misunderstood? He is the sweetest thing..He does things that are not "sweet" but he is extremely tender hearted! I want my children to be tolerant and loving of people and other children..how do I instill these values? I try very hard to explain these things to my children. I'm sorry, but frankly I am a bit angry.The injustice! I'm sure JJ will be fine, he will be strong, he will be what he is meant to be, and i do not need to defend him..but i will, I will protect him..he is like a son to me..so watch out.

My day.

I am going to give you a quick run down of my day to get to the point, so bare with me here.

I woke up ecstatic that my hubs gave the three children cereal on his way out the door. On the other hand, I had to clean up three sloppy places on the table, milk and cheerios EVERYWHERE. Andrew was still starving of course, the kid is an endless pit, got him some more. ate a few bites of cereal myself. cleaned up again, headed upstairs to wake baby, gave baby a bath. came back down dressed three other kids ( I have long given up on appropriate attire. sure honey, dress shoes, sweatpants and a rain coat..perfect!). tidied up the box of diapers drew pulled out all over the floor, fed the baby, while rubbing drew head. Kids in coats and shoes, baby in carrier..check! peaked in bathroom mirror to see if i look remotely presentable..Holy cow.. drew had gotten into the toilet and there was pee pee water all OVER the bathroom..ugh!! spent 15 min cleannig and disinfecting..both the potty room and the children's hands. Ok, out the door we go. First stop grocery store for infant tylenol, as the baby was getting her first round of vaccines today. ended up buying chocolate, granola bars, oatmeal cookies..ect. back to the car to realize I had left the diaper bag at home..arged! Drove back home, ran up to the door to find it locked..back to the car kids crying and apparently covered in chocolate..don't ask. got into the house grabbed bag, it had no diapers..got diapers..off to the doctors. Called bon on my way to pray for me cuz I was a bit, umm.. shall we say.. losing "it"! Arrive to find andrew had no shoes and socks on and he had thrown them about the vehicle spent five to ten searching..lets face it i was seething a bit. Wiped faces and hands and we walked in holding hands. We entered the office to be greeted by this monster of a mother!! The minute she opened her mouth I thought I was either going to cry or strangle her to death! This is how it went...woman "oh my, they are all yours? why did you have them so close together? are you crazy? you must be out of your mind? Did you plan this? You must be nuts? do you have help? how old are they? me "blank stare" woman " you don't even have words do you? my mind was going a mile a minute.. of course the kids drive me crazy, but they are mine and love them!!! How dare she, how dare she!!!

All this to say, I asked God to bring me to a place of exhibiting the fruits of the spirit to all I encounter, that I would be filled with his love and mercy In all my interactions. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!