An Education

We recently began our adventure through Homeschool Land! This is all new to us. I was personally schooled at home from 2nd-12th grade, my hubby was home mostly through high school. So, no, it is not comepletely foreign. However, it is all new for me to be the Home school MOM.

The Home school mom is a tough women. I have been struggling to figure out who I am in all of this. I worry constantly about cirriculum, field trips, I am continually looking out for an educational experience. I worry I do not have enough to teach. Am I strong, smart, confident, patient enough?! So many questions! I am working it out day by day speaking to other families in my same situation trying to gleen from their experiences.

The mockery. Oh the mockery. I realize other people will not, do not, agree with this particular style of education. Most of the people who are so hard against the idea, have very little understanding of all that it entails. I was at my sons football practice yesterday and got into a convo involving all our kids and their first week at school. UGH! They were all complaining about teachers, class sizes and resources..blah blah blah. They then got to me. I began to feel my heart pounding in my chest, when I answered. "we have chosen to Home school this year." Rutro. Now, they pounced! One question after the next, " why. why not private, charter?" " How can you stand to have them home all day?" " Don't you want them around other kids?" " you're one of those moms who just can't let go?!" Wow, I was standing there kinda stunned. I had sat through many convos of my mom and other people discussing why she home schooled us, you know, it was easier being the kid:) I am not one to be overly concerned with other peoples opinions of how I live my life, but this involves my kids. Some people are just so inconsiderate and harsh.

Personally I hate it when people tell me how frustrating/annoying it must be to have so many kids, or to have them around all the time. I think it is mean to my children to say those things. Am I wrong? Is it not offensive to ask me infront of my children "How can you stand to have them around?" Are you kidding me!? Yes, parenting is tough, the toughest job there is. NO, I do not regret any of my babies! I cherish my children and feel it is my (and my husbands) soul priority to raise them well. I do not think that everyone must home school or should. I feel it is right for us, for now. We have many reasons for doing this.

I Do Not think My kids are deprived, in any way, for not attending school this year. If anything, they are in better shape for it.

I will forever be in debt to my mother who poured hours upon hours , days upon days, years upon years ,into me as I grew up. She nurtured me emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. I was well cared for. I do not ever regret being home schooled, as those were the best days of my life. Sure, I feel some things could, and probably should, have been done differently. Who doesn't feel some things could have been different in their past?

I do what I do, because my convictions lead me there.

It's been a long time since I have blogged. These days, a few thoughts have me up at night. I hate this feeling, but at the same time, it's the one that moves me to change and action. Our lives are moving full steam ahead, all the while falling apart at the seams. As I laid in bed last night overwhelmed, I remebered all the things I have been brought out of and through in life. In my short 28 yrs of life, I have been blessed to see the Lords mighty hand of provision. I HATE needing him, or anyone! The fact is, I need Him whether I acknowledge it or not. I lay, tears down my face to be back in a position I know all to well. The feelings of inadequecy, desperation, greif. We have been poverty stricken for 6 yrs now. We have times when we see the ligh at the end of the tunnel, and than it seems covered in darkness. Not for lack of trying, we end up here once again. People pitty the poor. I hate pitty. I force belief, faith, love, strength, patience, kindness. I hate being preached at about this area of my life. when someone yells at you to have faith, it DOES NOT PRODUCE FAITH! I read back through some old blogs, yep God held me through. I know He is here today. These are just some thoughts, nothing incredibly uplifting or perfectly stated. No theories or scriptures to "back me up". I speak openly, struggle sucks, butin the end, we are better off for the storms that make us stronger, better, more complete people.