Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Visions

As a teen I spent a good part of my life consumed with thoughts of my future. I attended a church where the youth group was, well, how do you say it? We were full of promise? I was told I had a bright future, full of wonders and unseen awesomeness. There would be splendor, hope, glory! Why do people express so much hype to a teen? I had visions of my own of course. I saw a family and a wonderful relationship, oh I also would have a doctorate. I was swept away by the belief that if I tried hard enough, and gave myself over to this christian ideal, that I would have all that I desired and the Lord would bless my life ever so abundantly. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the Lord deeply.

In recent contemplation I realize that nearly 12 yrs have gone by since the begining of my journey. How did I let all this time go? How many years have I spent now, just waiting? Waiting for what? I certainly got the husband and children I always dreamed of, or is it? I am aware that reevaluating my life may very well lead me down the path of insanity. I have no regrets, however I would like to improve my future.

You now what, I am frustrated that I was so deceived! Or was I just too naive?! Why did people always tell me I would do great things, be someone who makes a difference, change the world?? What gave these people the authority to make these outrageous statements? I wonder if these "people" tell everyone these things. I mean honestly, the visions of fabulousness that I was given, come on! You can't tell me they haven't happened simply because I haven't lived up to my potential, or can you.


1 comment:

  1. Bekah sometimes we can not see our greatness until we look back. Maybe you will be great on your own or maybe you will be part of the greatness in your family.

    You are a wonderful mother and that is an accomplishment far beyond measure. It is often taken as a given, You have children you are a good mother but that is not true. It is something that takes effort, sacrifice, wisdom and heart.

    I think it is awesome that you have given voice to your thoughts.

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