As a mother I experience many different emotions, many of which exhausting. It seems when I am at my breaking point, feeling all hope is lost, and all my efforts are in vain, I see a glimpse.
These past few weeks with Jonathan gone have been "challenging". There have been moments where I truly beleived I am the worst mother ever. All the thoughts, I'm to strict, not strict enough, I yell to much, I'm not paying enough attention, am I leaving a kid out, the house is too messy, we dont get out enough, I dont teach enough, I work too much, dont sleep enough, yadda yadda.
Today I put on a childrens worship dvd and my childrens faces lit up with joy. We danced around the living room praising, and laughing. My heart was blessed as I witnessed my Esther Lynn with hands raised, eyes closed, singing with the most beautiful little voice. I was broken down, and lifted up. My children were dancing together, loving eachother. Seriously, there was no better gift for me today.
The funny thing with kids, one moment is peace and love, the next is a time for instruction, discipline/punishment. They are children, they make mistakes. I am a parent, I make mistakes. My sister reminded me today, of the impact of lost expectation in our lives. What do we choose to make of our new paths? How am I going to embrace my new journey in life?
I want more than anything for my children to know who they are, and what they are living for. If it takes every once of my being to help them to see, so be it. If I have to look fear on in the face and embrace life's challenges, well, it's what this walk is all about.
My mother taught me a few things growing up. 1) love the lord your God with all your heart 2) worship Him daily and in every trial. 3) you are stonger than you think you are.
18 days till my Man comes home:) 23 days till I venture across country with my chillins:)
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