Bleh Bleh Bleh!!

I had a pretty good day today at work, the only problem is that I generally call Jonathan on my breaks, and on my drives to and from. My convos with him may have been brief on these days, but it was still a constant. Ugh, this just totally stinks.

From the second I got home the tantrums started. One child after the next melting down before my eyes. I held it together, but on the inside I was certainly crying. We got through dinner (barely) and baths to jammies. Then I laid Drew drew down cuz he was miiiiiissseeerrraaabbblle! Then My Dad offered to take the two older ones up to his room for a movie night;) Which left me with the precious little Bink! I got her ready for bed, fed and changed.

Now, I am on my own...Glad for the quiet, but sad that i'm without my spouse, my other half..:(
listened to my uplifting music all day today on my ipod at work..yet I am still struggling to find the joy today. I did find a glimpse of it in my Ellie's sweet kiss, Isaac's generosity, Drew's patheticness, and Bink's innocense.

Handling the children's emotions is hard when your very own emotions are so sky high. The othe rnight at church we had a meltdown. This was not an ordinary tantrum. Isaac had told me earlier on that night that the big boys would not let him play with them after church. My heart broke for him, as I know he struggles with social peer play. I didn't have the time to help him start a game as I was tending to my two little ones, who were both having moments of their own. A few mins later I instisted that we leave, lets face it everyone was crying and it was time. I had to pull isaac out of the building he was devastated. As we reached the car he was hysterical. I got down on his level and held him close, I just knew there was more to these tears. As I held him he let out a sob, one I had never really heard him do before. He was genuinely crying, he buried his head in my shoulder and seemed to melt into me. I rubbed his back trying to soothe him with a calm voice.." it's ok..Isaac..it's gona be ok."

I realize our struggles could be much worse. I am aware that I do not live the worst life by any means. I am blessed, as are my children. We have love in abundance. We just Miss the Man of the house, we have days where we fall apart and days when we almost forget.