morning

I awoke this morning feeling empowered! I had been dreaming that Bon was next to me, and when I woke up it was Drew drew!! He was wide awake, cuddled up in my bed, staring into my eyes as he pet my hair;) Awe, my heart filled with warm loving feelings. It was surely bound to be a great day.

Well, I had to get the kiddos ready for a 1000 appt at the pediatrician, for the baby. From the begining the kids were, well, stubborn. no one wanted to get dressed "come on everyone lets get dressed...come on..pick out some clothes!" " no i don't want to..i don't like that shirt..noo not those shoes..i wanna wear my bathing suit...i don't like socks like that..i wanna stay home!!" I tried with everything in me to remain cool. I then danced around the kitchen with andrew, and made ellie laugh as i pretended to drop the hershey syrup bottle all over the kitchen floor, in my hap hazard efforts to get it back into the frig. Isaac stood, ticked off and miserable, denied happiness at every turn! The milk is too cold, now it's too hot, now not enough syrup, now too much! AAAAAh I dying here!!! Now, the clock is ticking!!! I already missed an appt for the baby last week, I had to get there on time. Then as we were trying to get shoes on and jackets it began again.."not that jacket, the other one" " the other one is broken, Isaac" " i don't care, i wanna wear it!!!!! (tears everwhere)" Well lets just say i lost my coool al together in a very embarrassing and diapointing way. I screamed at him to put hi frickin shoes on!!!! this is not about you right now!!! Get the heck ready and get your stubborn little butt in the stinking car!!!!!! which was followed by more yelling and crying.

We finally were in the car, with no time left for my ice coffee run! I began to sob and sob. I felt like a complete failure of a mother. Why did I let things escalate that far? Why didn't i take control earlier, beofre I lost my temper!? I hated myself for screaming and hurting my son. ugh..Fail! Just stamp it on my forehead! I know I know..I came back to reality. I apologized to the kids, and we all agreed to start the day over.

Just waiting for the peace<3